lets play doctor doctor..

If I ask you about one thing that terrifies you when you visit a doc, what would it be??? no prizes for guessing.. it is obviously the "Injection".. we tamilians call it "oosi" n hindi for it is "sooi".. ever wondered why the two "oo's" come together???..) well it is probably because that's the sound you make "before" the nurse inserts it in you.. :ooooo :)

i have had many injections in life and i cant forget the 2 most wonderful experiences.. when i was in 6th standard, the nurse came.. fortunately it was not the vodafone incident!! but unfortunbately, i was not grown up enough to enjoy her either!!! she came and spoke to me sweetly & i did not realise the pain while she was injecting that medicine... because i was engrossed in staring her legs...(man!! white socks n white shoes were too extra white n clean !! why cant my mom wash mine like that!!! n i looked up at my mom who was tensed ..well.. she might have read my expression i guess!!) now i regret missing the fun part i could have had with her ;)...

The 2nd most memorable incident happened at Aarogyashala.. trust me .. when i left, all i could read was "ayogyashala!"..the most common funda followed while injecting is "to talk".. the best way to divert the patient!!!

Now being a health conscious person, i went to the doctor in the campus with headache..

i had to wait for almost an hour for the doctor but i did not mind that.. now i was grown up enough to flirt with nurse there.. ;) i tried to push my luck by asking her to give me injection & lied that the pain was unbearable.. she smiled her innocent smile n i won !!! :) finally the doctor came n

Me: Sir, i have severe head ache..

Doc: hmmm.. tell me where is your stomach?

me: ugh!!! (clutched my belly like a kid to show where it is!! where else do you expect it to be man???)

Doc: any other problem

Me: well .. i feel a bit nauseating..

Doc: lay down there, i need to check..

Me: ( is something really serious?? i have a headache..why did he take out the injection??? oh yeah i persuaded the nurse.. but she should enter now.. pls god pls!!!)

Doc: which department are you in?

Me: "Bio"... aaaaaaaaarggggg..( he inserted it) ..."tech" (well 2 dissapointments.. he inserted it.. n it pained like hell!!)

Doc: See it dint pain.. thats y i asked you about your dept..( still struggling with the injection while the needle was doing hip hop in my bum!!)

Me( writhing in pain!)

Doc: by the way which dept did u say??

Me: ( wondering if he is deaf!) "bio".... shit..aaaargh (he inserted it again!!). "tech".. ( 2 dissapointments again.. he was the one to do it again.. n .. the medicine dint get into my system the previous time!!)

Doc: See it must not have pained you.. i know :) thats y we ask your departments... :)

Me.. (dizzied all the more with pain!!)

Doc: Nurse..

Me: (face lit up.. :) :) :) )

Doc: Why isnt the injection working.. see.. i am unable to inject the medicine.

Me: :O @#$%^&$#@ ( was he playing doctor doctor with me?? well.. i dint like the game !!!)

Nurse: (weakly smiling at me..) which department are you in??

me: (why god why ???.. why me of all ppl??) pls do it soon "sister"!!! ....

i went inside pressing my head n came out clutching my bum... :( ofcourse.. the pain in my head went off.. (when you have a greater pain, you forget the lesser one!!!)

Moral- never ever lie to any nurse... &... call them sister, no matter hw much you flirt!!!!!

Lizards!!

I completely dedicate this blog to those who hate or rather get freaked out when they look at a lizard...... They are de most creepiest of all the creatures Mother Earth has created... the unpleasant part is when u try to chase it, it leaves it tail behind and my dear friend, u should see the way the tail dances... very creepy...
Lemme tell you from where did i get this feeling towards lizards... Thanks to my mum, she passed her irrational fears to me, the way she screams when she spots a lizard, she can make the opera singer run for her money. So there is this tiny dark lizard in my room.. im completely fed up with it.. i seriosly dunno how to get rid of it... there is no desk or shelves in my room.. so i gotto keep all my stuff on the floor.. so whenever i need to take somethin from the bag, this damn thing comes running out and i end up chasin it for the next 10 mins atleast... i even speak to it and beg for it to leave but nothin, nothin can chase the lizard out. Once i was so damn annoyed so i took a broom and pushed it way down the ground floor.... Phew!! the joy i got from it, fantastic.... but, but when i came to room durin lunch time i saw it crawling under the chair.. i could literally hear it sayin " such a loser you are"... oh man! wat to do now...
Time for revenge .It was gettin late for my lab so i grabbed my laptop bag and this evil thing ran out.... "what the *&^%" what happenend to its tail?? bloddy hell, it left its tail in the bag and ran... this was the thing that i was dreading.... the tail was twisting and turning and YUCK!!!
i wonder why species like these get to leave instead of beautiful animals like koala bear or cheetah or white tigers... survival of the fittest(i wonder why its not survival of the prettiest!!) guess shrini you'll have an answer for it...

Work!!

well it would be totally unfair if i dont tell anything about the lab in which i work. Its called the biological product lab and its one of the sophisticated lab with all the necessary equipments. On my first day sir( Head's junior) instructed us and told us as to what was there in the lab. He was strict and infact i got pretty scared and thought i really had to do work but only later did i realise that he's such a Bindaas sir....he's so damn jovial and comments about everythin and anythin.. infact on many occasions he has got us kachori and samosas along with either lassi or frooty. By the way, 2 more phd students, boy :( and a gal ;) are working along with me and its so fun workin with them. The way they speak and pull each others leg and the kinda arguement... waah its simply a treat to watch.. the only problem i face is that of transportation... i hv to use cycle or richshaws... If the senior (who's room abuts mine) is there, den i get to take his cycle.. otherwise i become the victim of the fleecing rickshaw wallas.. anyway now i hv become smart to outwit them and go on by bargaining them and eat their brains.... infact i love doin it!!
so wats go great in lab?? well wat to i hv to say, we have coffee maker, aquaguard, fridge, oven, can make tea too.... so whenever we need a break we got everythin tat refreshes us... some senior or the other will sponsor any snacks which we devour lik crazy pigs which hasnt seen food in long time.. we have our own space with computers and ac's and shelves and printers to scanner...
otherwise have loads of work and pretty hectic and infact they make me use my brain..

Differences

Well im getting used to the place, Allahabad, seat of knowledge and University of Allahabad fondly called oxford of East!!!! the campus is spread the entire city and i gotto use cycle to go from one place to another... the one thing that i hate about this place is the HEAT..... its so damn hot, ofcouse poeple here are accustomed to it but lemme tell you, its so hard for me to acclimatize....
an interesting thing is that there are a lot of kenyans here.... i met this guy here, kenyan named KT.... and yes ofcurs, he's doin his BA here .. he shared some of his experience.....and let me tell u, twas funny. during the first few days when he had come here, he spotted an elephant on the streets and started to scream and began to run, so lookin at him people on the streets were puzzled and asked him why he's runing? to which he replied tat elephants are wild and he dint wana die.. ppl started laughin and told him tat elephants are tamed in India... hmm wat can i say " welcome to india"..... my other friend here told me that he had done the same thing when he saw a buffalo( the best part is KT pronounces it as boofaloes).......
one thing i need to mention is the people here..... they are so friendly and helpful.... students in the hostel came to my room and enquired if im comfortable ... i was so damn touched by the fact that they were so bothered.... hope it remains the same
as i said Maharaj takes leave on sunday and that's why mess doesn function on that day.... btw maharaj is the main cook in mess here.... wat a irony, his name n work
i needed to buy a lot of stuffs so KT took me to civil lines where all the allahabadi posh shops, hotels, stores can be found.... so first stop was big bazaar and i never thought dis place has anythin other than the roadside tasty chat corners n local kiosks..... well good for me
so there was i, happily lost myself in de shop and emptied my pockets.... and then another shock, guess wat theres McDonalds here.....

well one thing i learnt is " dont underestimate any place"..... i must say im indeed happy. guess next month ll eat out instead of mess .....

Those telepathic conversations with mom...

Today a family friend of ours visited.. well, this family was my dad's old friend's family (they were room mates when they were bachelors) n it was great to see them after so many years.. Although i remember their names but i had forgotten their faces and was looking forward to meet this family..

Before their arrival, i had an arguement with mom over the no. of kids they had.. i was sure that it was more than one.. (c'mon, happy families comprise of 2 kids for sure!! n this was a happy family!) but mom was stubborn that they had only one son.. As a part of tamil tradition, we should gift each member of the family when they visit your house for the first time with their family.. n mom purchased for the 3 of them.. what happened later is another story.. but i won the bet.. they had an eight year old daughter too :) :) n that's when i had a victorious grin across my face when this cute girl stepped out off the car!! Now here i had this telepathic conversation with mom-(" See i told you he is not going to use it the second time he did it!! n here is the result, the small girl hopping towards you!!! ;) ) n mom answered back telepathically ( "hmmpfff..well, i thought that he was not dumb like your father, but i guess they are the same birds that flock together!!) n she turned her face to recieve the guests with the broadest smile..

the kids were totally exhausted after their travel and the girl just couldn't resist but lie down flat on the soft, cushiony bed in the hall.. n that's where me n mom noticed the telepathic convy b/w the girl n her mom.. She lied back n looked at her mom...n her mom says it- (" how many times have i told you to behave when we go to someone's house..now get up..") n there went her eyebrow from flat to a mountain shaped structure and the eyes popping out of the socket!! the girl replies with a pleasing expression & crescent shaped eyes with head touching the shoulders, ( " pleaeaease mom.. the car gave me so many bumps.. pls.. just one time.. i will get up in 5 minutes!!) n her mom replies with her flaring nose n gritting teeth which made the girl jump up and sit straight..

Now my goody-two-shoes mom understands these things .. had she understood it when i was 8, i would have been a spoilt brat by now.. she goes to the girl and tries to be friends with her n makes her feel comfortable.. the girl lies down back with a smile across her face, still the eyes questioning mom on what to do..n her mom tilts her head to convey the msg-("ok you can lie down now!!)

trust me, only moms have this ability of telepathy and they induce it in us.. i remember going to a friends house with mom and they served us Lays chips.. being a piggy mouth, i couldnt resist but pick the chips.. that's the first telepathic conversation i had with mom.. At first i didnot look at her, but then she pinched me and i saw her eyes..oh mann, they were out of the socket and i thought she will eat me raw if i ate that.. again, the teeth were gritted and i placed that back on plate with all my fear..i had goosebumps without knowing what goosebumps were!!! n the next instant, she calmed down with her back relaxed & eyes in their normal place..

I still wonder how many mom's have such conversation with kids?? and how many suceed in understanding those things.. At the end of the day when they were leaving, i wanted to see what mom would do.. She gave pant-shirt piece to the the father and their son, a salwar suit to the mom.. n for the girl... she gave another salwar suit piece.. i forgot that mom has a godown full of salwa stocks!!.. n she looked at me to say-(" i still dint loose it baby..afterall i am your mother " n winks ;) ) with a wicked smile she turned around to bid adieu to the guests.. n i sighed, "all is well that ends well!!"

We had so many telepathic conversations, like

Me: mom, for christs sake, what colour is she wearing!!

Mom: She belongs to your fathers side.. no wonder it runs in their blood!!

Me: (a nod) yeah yeah.. (with a forced smile towards the relative!)

n then while buying a fancy mp3 palyer, ( the shopkeeper had brain washed me in picking that piece)

Mom: ( nodding in denial) dont pick that.. you will regret!

Me: Oh pls mom, you dont know how trendy it is.. i like it..

Mom: (shrugs) your wish..

the player did not last for more than a week!!!!

n no wonder mom also penetrates my mind like Severus snape did to Harry potter..

Mom: did you kiss a girl???

Me: $#@&!!*(!!!! :o

& the journey continues...

as i said proffy came sharp at 6 to pick me up.........Dad had come come along with me so went to the Sangam directly, place whr 3 holy rivers ganga, yamuna and . . . . . . , well i dunno de third one.... wow awesome view from dere.... there's a bridge here which's exaclty like hoogly one in kolkata, its not tat big but stillworth mentionin.....
Took fotos and den directly came to the so called international hostel( but there's nothing international about it) .... i dint get a room, had to stay in a phd scholar's room..... thank god...
ppl here are so damn nice..... They came to me, introduced themselves, spoke for some time and really i must say i was shocked... i thought ppl will be rude and unruly here but ... whoa one plus point........
let me come to de point, the benefits of being in this hostel

• no breakfast( i get so hungry earlyin de mornin)
• again , mess wont work on sunday (im gonna die)
• my lab is 3 kms from my hostel, so gotto walk....
• room's right below the terrace so its damn hot(blistering heat)
• MOSQUIToES.... infact im just using just 1 hand now, other one's buzy scratchin and trin to keep mosquitoes off

to be frank the list goes on, but as u all know living life is not easy... so instead of being finiky im takin it easy and its just an experience though.....

well comin to the most interesting part, ppl here speak proper UP hindi and find it very difficult to follow.... my gaaawwwddd!!! twas so damn difficult to converse with the auto drivers and shopkeepers.... and english, trust me you'll forget your english if you listen to them speaking... and i gotto speak hindi with them.... for the record, i make lots of mistakes and become the butt of all jokes..... anyway its different kinda fun... I know shrini u'll be laughin ur arse off now....

just convincing myself by sayin " just 2 months" , den home sweet home
so lets see as to what's in store for me........

The Journey!!!

Had to board train at 5 30pm but wat can i say, Indian railways do they maintain the timings??? well the train started only at 5 40, anyway 10 min not a big deal.............
Btw if u r wondering as to where im goin....... well, i have got a fellowship in university of Allahabad, so gotto be there for two months and finish a project sort of thing... so gettin to the point, train journeys are boring plus im travelling for nearly 35 hrs so imagine.... so i got down to de job of observing everyone in my coach.... i had booked in an ac coach so u can imagine the kind of sophisticated wanna be crowd... after travelling for long time in he train, finally Nagpur stop came.
Ppl got down to stretch and flux their legs n arms.... there was this one particular japanese lady called hirukogomoto or sumtin(its hard to even pronounce their names)..... she started doin doin sum sort of exercise, she was bending down, came up, den down, den up.... for de ppl there twas practiclly visual treat for them, they started to luk n oh maaann, she became de eye candy for them..... meanwhile i went to a restaurant callen cumsim, aweome chat, burgers, sandwichs, so spent abt 100 bucks and went bak to de train......... well the rest of the journey was just boring cos i had nothin to do and was waiting to reach allahabad junction.......
As i said after 35 hrs i reached junction and moreover earlyin the mornin ( 3:30am), phew was practically sleep derived, wish the train got delayed..... but wat to do!!!!
had to wait in the station till 6.... a professor had told me tat he'll pick me up so happily waited in de waiting room..... proffy came sharp at 6.........

Oops..its the window seat again!!!

I travelled to trichy today to get back my lap top.. i had given it for servicing but unfortunately, the jouney turned out to be fruitless.. i returned empty handed.. it was a complete waste of time.. Well, the journey to trichy is roughly 1 and half houlrs from my home. While sitting in the bus, i made sure i dont occupy the window seat today!! but when i was returning back, i thought it would be silly to have this phobia.. afterall i have been sitting near the window since my childhood n just one incident in my adulthood shouldnot snatch away my sentimental attachment to the window seat.. thus, thinking about it, i boldly sat near my usual window seat and made sure that i dont have any tobacco spitter before me.. (i sat near the entrance of the bus).. now feeling happy about avoiding any sort of oddities, i sat with a triumphant smile on my face and enjoyed the scenic beauty outside.. but to my horror, the bus got crowded at the very next stop. Usually ladies enter from the front gate of bus and the gents from the back.. A lady with a cute little girl entered the bus..

Being a very good person at heart, i offered to help the lady and she gave her daughter to me.. she sat on my lap but kept crying.. i love kids and i just love to handle them and manage to bring smile on their face.. so i started talking to this crying baby.. After knowing her name (which was "Angel") i started my conversation that i usually have with every kid..she was wearing a pink frock with a white rose on it.. i praised the dress for sometime which distracted her from her crying.. like a baby i asked her where did she buy the beautiful dress from??.. and came the instantaneous reply- "From shop!!!" ( god, i did not know that dresses are sold in shops!).. so i asked her about the shoes that she wore.. I asked her where did she buy the shoes from ( expecting the answer to be "From shop" again ) but this time she replied- " Mom bought it".. so i asked her where did SHE buy them from, n thi

s kid replied-"ask my mom!" .. end of conversation. i thought i would continue it if she would have answered-"from shop" again, so that i could confuse the kid between the shoe shop and the dress shop.. but Nooo.. the kids are getting smarter these days..

After sometime, i could sense that the girl was about to cry again as she started making her twisted moves to get down my lap.. to distract her, i started showing her the shops on the roadside.. the flower shop, the shoe shop, the fruits & vegis shop n came the series of wine shop.. i kept mum for the time being.. this girl did not pay attention to the shops i had been showing her till now but promptly saw outside when i didnot say anything.. "What are these??" , she asked me pointing towards the series of TASMAC bars that were on the roadside.. i was wondering what to say (gicing pressure to my nervous system and all my neurons) and i replied, "Shops!" without any further explanation.. A smirk on my face for having been victorious to the wits of the kid!.. 

My lap has a magic.. whoever sits on it sleeps for sure..(even the laptop slept & thats why i had to give it for servicing!).. dont worry, they dont sleep forever..this girl slept on my cozy lap with a smile across her face.. i felt triumphant for the third time in bus( making a crying kid comfortably sleep on your lap is a victorious thing!) ..i laid back and started wondering about the future of this girl.. will she be a doctor? an engineer? an ordinary woman? or.... will she be the dirty lady whom i encountered yesterday!!! i was imagining this girl's teeth stained red with tobacco and drooling red fluid on

 my pants.. i did not finish imagining it when i felt warm.. 

it was the warmth given by the girl.. i could feel the warmth getting warmer and warmer with time and suddenly i realised that it was indeed the warmth given by "Angel".. in the form of piss!!!.. now i felt cooler and cooler with the wind blowing hard from the entrance door.. ever wondered why people dont stand at the entrance when you desperately want them to?? i was cursing myself for not getting up before my stop ... i handed over the girl to her mother and she occupied my place..

i got down at my stop with my wet pant.. i was walking towards my house with a dilemma.. should I ever sit in the window seat again??? and i decided yes.. atleast to share the incidents on the blog.. what do you say ;) ???

Moral- get up a few minutes before your stop comes..

Snaky flavored Chicken!!!

have you ever wondered how a snake bitten chicken will taste.... well if u really wanna taste it, then you gotto head to Guangdong(southern china).... the whole process starts by taking a snake and makin it bite a chicken(gawd!!! poor chicken)... den the chicken to cooked up at high temperatures.... wat abt the poison in the snake??? well to detoxify the poison, the chicken is cooked at high temperatures.. this turns the snake toxin into an enzyme which helps to keep the human blood warm and clears the blood vessels... people there have been queing up for eating the dish, infact it has become the most favorite dish and sells lik pancakes.... i being a total veg feel so damn bad for the chicken that's being killed by immersing it in hot water and to top it, they kill it by a poisonous snake and eat it.
i dunno how they get all these weird ideas .... why dont dey poison demselves and start eating their own flesh... leave the animals alone... well i wont be surprised if they do tat ..ppl there eat everythin, i mean everythin....

looking inside the window...

I love travelling in bus, especially in Tamil Nadu. I like to view the green land with paddy and i enjoy the cold wind hitting my face. I always prefer sitting near the window. But i learnt a biiiiig lesson today. . .

well. .  I have to travel in bus daily. My college is 20 minutes away from my home but i dont get window seat on my way to college. If my stars are at the zenith, then i manage to enter the bus and get sandwiched between many people. My nose is extremely sensitive & early in the morning, my olfactory gland gets mute to this weird combination of different deo sprays (brut,akx,park ave...blabla) , smell of drool n sweat, n in worst cases it has a typical vomit smell indicating that the guy standing next to me had boozed a lot the previous night but dint brush n bathe in the morning!!!! So i manage to reach college (successfully spoiling the crease on my pants n soiling my shoes. :) ) 

Many things happen on the way to college and one thing made me wonder today. it is semester hols now, so the bus was not crowded. I got my favourite window seat today n at the next stop the bus got filled & a lady 'A' entered ( trust me, nobody can be dirtier n freakin illiterate than her!!) her teeth stained red with the paan n tobacco.. she gave me a stare to leave my seat for her.. i pretended not to understand that n left the issue (but what i did not realise was the blow i was about to get!). 

The seat before mine was occupied by a man and a decent woman ;) this lady asks the man to swap places so that she could sit in that 3 seater. this made me wonder.. why cant ladies sit next to a man or a boy. the other day i faced the same thing with a 60 year old lady who denied to sit next to me. (God!! i cant even imagine to touch her, pinching n harassing was out of question!!!) it is strange that ladies here are very conservative.  so coming back to this lady 'A'.. one thing popped up my perverted mind.. what if the lady was a lesbian??? i pitied the decent woman in my next thought.. :( but my dirty mind raised another question.. ;) What if the decent woman was also a lesb??? ( even if she was, she wont prefer such a dirty partner!!) yeah, this question has been nagging me for quite a long time. many times, ladies or even gents insist on sitting next to the same gender to avoid discomfort. i want to ask, "what will happen if the person with whom they insist to sit, turns out to be a homosexual??" (now the harassment will be more than u can ever imagine.. n worst of all, the trouble is invited by the seeker of the seat!!!)

leaving apart my perverted thoughts i look at this dirty lady 'A' again thinking how hard would i have to try to get that dirty!!! she gives some weird expressions first ( the face is twisted in all directions n the tongue in her mouth is rolling as if it is enjoying a roller coaster ride!!) n then she advances near the window n... pachaaaak!!!!!!! 

the next instant i was staring at my own shirt bought at Pantaloons.. it got a new design of red and bottle green sprayed near my shoulder.. i was sitting there gritting my teeth.. i was sure that surya ( my sister) is going to kill me!! she bought it for dad but i wore it.. for the first & last time!!

Unable to shout and unable to cry, I sat there waiting for my stop which came in just few minutes.. it was my fault.. I should have stood up before my stop came.. but NO.. i wanted to enjoy the window seat a bit longer and this time i enjoyed it with an illiterate designer who gave a new outfit to me.. I got down the bus thinking if i should still occupy the window seat!!! phew..i cursed the lady..( a brahmin bramachari curse!!) that she will be harassed by a lesbian one day on window seat!!!