Story of my last exam

I wrote the last exam of my college life and this LAAST exam became the most memorable one. The usual me gets up and goes to college. whistling and enjoying the nature. no last minute revision no cribbing about not covering syllabus. I was happy that my exams and college life is coming to an end today. But I was not aware of what was in the store. I was travelling in the bus when a lecturer of my college says to me," You should be revising for your exams rather than whistling. Today's youth waste so much energy, roam around aimlessly. is this what they teach you at home? What a shame n...d usual bla bla tat u get to hear from an old frustrated lecturer" I m usually polite but when it comes to lecturers who act smart and start lecturing you on your behavior, i loose my temper.

I politely reply," I KNOW you are a lecturer, but that doesn't mean you start giving one in the bus!" .silence. he mumbles something all the journey n my mood is off. Seriously, they dont know the time and place to lecture you on your behavior n mistakes. God knows what pleasure they derive out of it.

My exam starts at 9.30. I go check my hall plan and see my roll number 011155023 on board. I saw the numerals 111055023 and proceed. It was almost 9.37 when i reached the hall. I go to the invigilator and... fate has its own way of screwing you.. it is the same bus guy!! We exchange furious glances and I take my place silently.

I have a gut feeling that something is wrong. i look around. the girl before me and girl behind me. Are they my classmates? i dunno.. i dont remember. I am a good guy who doesn't get acquainted to the girls of my class. ;P We were distributed the question papers and i feel happy cuz i know the answers for the first time!!! yay!:D

i try to sneak-peak at the paper of the girl before me n holy shit! the handwriting is different today. it is not the one i was looking at for the past 4 year!

Me: "excuse me, i was wondering if you have sprained your hand!"

She: " no, why?"

Me:"no ur handwriting looks like chicken crap to me today"

She gives me one of those furious looks just when i was interrupted by another guy.

HE:" i guess this is my seat!"

Me:" :-o". I KNEW something was wrong the instant i saw her handwriting but my nightmare came true when this guy demands for his place! i panic n sweat.

Meanwhile, the girl who who usually sits behind me(my true classmate) is cursing me.

She-2 : " What the hell, question 1 ok 2ok.. 3 FISH!!!.. where the hell is this shrini!

i run to my life. i pick my scale, pencil, rubber, sharpener, drop my pen, fetch it, black pen, bag n for some odd reasons the stupid invigilator is behind my ass. I KNOW, I KNOW, i made a mistake. this is not the time to lecture on it u dumb idiott! somebody tell him to go away!! to escape his lecture on the issue i avoid him n keep running. where do i go, where do i check the hall plan. i run and find this cursing classmate waving at me frm inside the hall.. i run n pick my answer sheet. to ensure tat i m in the right hall i peek at the answer sheet of the girl sitting in front. and Whattey relief! Phew. This is it!!

without wasting my time i start answering. but that invigilator comes to this room. the thing that runs in my mind is,"You old hag i know my mistake, now why dont u leave , n do a better job"

He comes n with a demanding tone says, " give the question paper! x-( useless fellow. Dunno from where these people come from."

ME:" a whaaaat?!!!" realization dawns! "

i sigh..oh FISH!

i hear the girl behind me murmuring something which oddly sounded like " yeah tell tat tell tat"

c'mon wats wrong wid her. why is she asking me to swear again. Did he piss her off too?! my adrenaline rushes n i say FISH FISH FISH!

She-2: i know dat.. tell it to me..

i wonder whats wrong with her.

i did not want to leave my question paper. i knew d answers.. with a brief tug-of-war, i let it go. :(

I am handed a new paper and... crap.. what is this.. is it my subject?! i try to reason it out but ill fate. it was indeed my question paper. For some reasons i found previous paper simple. I look at the questions...

1 ok, 2 ok.. 3- Define FISH. crap nonsense.. since when did they start defining this?! n then i turn back n questioningly ask the girl for the last time. FISH??

and she says, "forget it.."

. the end.

N yeah, the following also happened! :

Kat calling

my fone rang, not once but twice, thrice.. kept on ringing, completely off the hook... i as usual was sleeping and dint want to attend the call.. sleep if of utmost importance cos i hardly get any sleep. but as the fone endlessly rang i had to pick it up... it was katrina (thnked gawd i picked up the call).. she was constantly crying.. i asked her if anything went rong in the sets but nope. she dint reply.. kept crying.. i cudnt help but drove immeditely to her place.. lots of ppl were there, many from the movie industry, lots of paparazzi (which is usual) but ppl from bollywood, many.. i started to think tat may be its sum surprise party.. but tat ruled out cos many were wearing white kurtas n sarees.. infact all of them were clad in white dress, which all the more makes me think even more..

then when i stepped inside, there was katrina still weeping n as soon as she saw me ran and just hugged.. she was gasping for words n i cudn figure out wat was happening, until i saw salman's body lying on the floor, surrounded by flowers, huge garlands and a small candle... OMG!! salman khan s dead.. no wonder the entire bwood is in full attendance.. i just cudnt stop wondering why katz was crying.. she just whispered to me tat she'll wait in the next room.. i went n met her as told..

there she was all the more crying, whispering frantically.. i cudnt make out what she was saying xcept a few words like doctor, postmortem, relation...... i had to stop her, tell her to breathe and then asked her again as to wat the matter was..

katz : he died.. he died.. bcoz of us.. he, he knew abt us.. i dunno! but he gotto know abt us.. tats why he got shocked n he just died..

me : but y dint he come to either of us?? i mean he shld hv asked me or rather murdered me as soon as he came to know but he dint do anything... stop crying..

katz : he came to know abt our affair.. tats why he died... ppl r not believing tat its a cardiac failure.. they r demanding a postmortem.. they think he was murdered by sum1..

me : dunt worry katz darling!! im there.. i'll handle wateva happens...

i had to accompany her to the room n wait till all the rituals for salman got over... im already drowned in the guilt, im starting to wonder if it was this reason, abt me n katz that had made salman into a shock..

cudnt digest the fact.. neva though salman wud know cos things were going on smooth.. she has been getting grt offers from various producers, her work is getting appreciated, salman is writing his own script, things r buzy with him.. katz n i were always safe.. we did have various clandestine meeting but kept sure that that no one wud know abt it..

thougts filled my head n twas spinning.. i felt as i if i was goin on a rollercoaster ride.. i just fainted...

"sathya, sathya!! its 9 in the morning... get up.. GET UP" i was confused!! katz has an awesum accent but whose voice is this... then i wake up top realise its my maid waking me up.. phew!! wat a dream... for a second i kept thiking abt it n smiling .. my maid gave me weird luks.. im sure she even thinks im crazy.. anyway not she can understand as to wat goes on..

Making onion soup...at 1:39 a.m.

Me: (with all my enthusiasm)“Su..shall I make onion soup for you??”

Sis: (Watching one sad tamil movie becuz its tamil new year.. n doesnt have control over the remote.. and dad wont budge..)"Anything is fine with me”

The movie was really really horrible.. and without her knowledge

she started weeping!!! Holy crap. when did she start crying.. now tears rolling down her cheek uncontrollably.

Sis: "could you please cut those stupid onions in the other room?? its burning my eyes!"

Me:"How about me sitting in your room with A/c on??"

Sis:"Dont you ever do that!" now please go away.. i will cry to death"

Me:"ok i will finish it soon.."

Tears continue to roll.. n still continues.. n she continues to weep further..

Sis:" WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING ??"

Me:"Texting my friend..He is coming here tomo.."

Sis:"You can do that after u r done with the onions!!"

Me:"I thought i can cut some extra onions for more soup.. i just read the recipe on the internet.. may be he will also like it!!"

Sis:"Crap.. finish it off soon.. atleast dont text when u r cutting onions"

She is crying.. weeping.. crying.. wondering how many litres of tears can her eyes produce..

Sis:" What r u doing re??"

Me:"Texting him..he says he lovesssss onion soup..with extra onions in it.. so i am going to cut few more.."

Sis:"Whaaaaaaaat???"

Before she could speak, dad gave her d remote..Finally remote in her hand.. Starts to watch this movie-Super hero movie!!! Now she laughs so hard that more tears add to the ones that were already flowing..

She finally gets wet with tears..All the while she did not pay attention to what I was doing. She turns back to see (teary eyed) if I am done with the onions n lo...

Sis:(shouts!)"hOW ON EARTH CAN YOU SLEEP WITH A PLATE FULL OF ONIONS NEXT TO YOU???"

Me:"Sorry, i dozed off watching that movie! Did not understand what was so funny.."

Sis:" I dont want your soup.. anyways you have been cutting onions for hours from now.. its already 12.. m going to sleep"

Me(pleading):"Please please.. taste it n tell.. i will make it in just 5 minutes"

Sis:"Well, thats exactly what you said at 7 in the eve.. "

Me:"Enough.. no arguements. Eat or you will die"

Sis:(anyways thats what will happen even after i eat..)” You mean drink that!!.. right!!

Tears still rolling down her cheeks cuz I was roasting onions.. n phew.. finally it stopped.. Something smells good.. something smells really really good.. the smell increases my apetite..

Me:"Pa para paaaaa.. onion soup mademoiselle .."

Sis:"thank you sire..:) :) :)"

She peeps inside the bowl..

Sis:"You said you are making soup..Where is it??"

Me:"Dont try to act smart.. just eat it.. x-( "

Sis:(So he meant it when he said "eat ".weeps again..).."Dint anyone tell my dear brother that soup is to be drunk n not to be eaten??? And what is this black black thing.. soup mein kuch kala!!!"

Me:"Actually i tried to saute the onion but flame was too high..so it got burnt!!"

Sis:"IS THIS HOW YOU TREAT THE ONIONS YOU CUT FOR HOURS!!!!!! (she starts crying again.. feeling bad for onion n for herself I guess!!"

Me:"C'mon.. taste n tell me"

She:"Taste what? soup is missing.."

Me:"ok then.. taste the onion.. which is not burnt.."

I imagined her plucking her hairs and running down the street.. she gulps. "Its good"

Me:"Really.. i will make more of it then.. He said he will like it if u certified it.. la lala laa..tra la la la.. i am making more soup.."

Sis:"!@#$%^&*.....shri.. its 1:39.. dont you think you should have mercy on our neighbors??"

Me:"ok .. i will cut the onions n will sleep..okie?? :) :)"

She goes to her room with head hung.. please go to sleep..

Today morning....

Mom:"Where are the onions su??? i need to make brkfast!!"

sis:"Check the basket ma.. it was there last night.. i saw.."

Mom:"Its empty.. by d way what is there in that big pan??" She opens.. both of them peep in it.. And...

HOLY SHIT@!@ (in unison!!)

Mom:"Dont you know its 40 ruppes per kg in the market? And it was solid One and a half kilos there in the basket!!"

Sis:"Why yelling at me?? he only made it!!"

Mom:"he said you instructed him!!"

Me:"Whaaaaaaaaaatttt!!#$*)"

Mom:" i have always told you not to do it.. Why do you waste things.. who is going to clean the crap.. even the street dog will sniff it and run away.."

Now i understood why mom was silent yesterday.. the dog sniffing dialog was there in her genes..but why didnt i use it?? XX factor i guess...

Sis searches for her bro to beat.. But cant.. cuz i was in deep sleep..she wonders what m i dreaming??

Sis:”Shri.. get up.. u will get late to coll!!”

Me:(sleepily)”Don’t disturb.. I m making soup for you..!!”

Sis:”(weeps)”shri, don’t you think you should pity me.. atleast spare me in your dreams man!!(weeps)

Calling the celebrity who was sitting in the loo...

So here is the incidence..

Many times they showcase the celebrity talks on tv after a successful movie. This time it was Paiyya. My sister being a biiiig fan of karthi had crossed her limits. Kept his photo as her fb profile pic, pasted his posters, sings the song day n night.. infact started calling her female friends as -"hey mama, enna panra!!" (the punch dialog in that movie!)... so it is obvious for such a fan to call n talk to the celebrity on tv show, if given a chance. n yes, the chance was given..but partially...

Karthi, Tamanna n Mr.Lingusamy were on air, where they interact with the other commoners. My sister kept trying to get the chance... n all the while, the reply was- busy, busy, busy.. dad got fed up & started trying the no. from our landline.. she used all her means to get connected.. but disappointments...dad went to kitchen to be a dutiful father of two (mom not at home so dad's cooking today!)... And that's when i get into the room n dial my phone no. (whenever i misplace my mobile i dial it from my landline n start searching for it) phew.. finally got it.. who threw my mobile under the bed??? anyways, who cares. i place back the receiver n go to the loo.... with my mobile!!!

dad resumes to his calling.. n presses redial.. n lo.. there goes the ring!!!

tring tring tring....

Dad: Suryaaaaaaaaa.. its ringing finally...

Surya runs like a P.t Usha clone.. breathless like shankar mahadevan.. runs all the dialogs in her mind.. "how ar eu karthi, i m a big fan, movie was such a rocking piece n...."

disappointment... cuz nobody picks the call...

Surya: I think they are talking to each other dad.. that is y they dint pick it.. hard luck pa..

Dad: Dont worry sweetheart... my hands are lucky, i will dial again.. (he redials)

tring tring tring....

Dad: eureka!!! see..

Surya: breathless again.. reruns all her dialogs n statements in her mind.. and..

Phone: Hello..

Surya: hello.. i m surya from tanjavur..

Phone: I know all that.. i m in the loo now.. we wil discuss all tat after i come out...

Surya: (Puzzled at first!!... n then realization dawns.. (it takes more than a minute for girls to understand things u know!) .... finally fuming!!!)....grrrrrrr... looks at dad wid ferocious red eyes..

dad: i can see some fumes n smokes.. i guess i left something on flame in the kitchen.. brb..

i come out of the loo and see a sudden change in my sister's avatar!!!

Now sitting here blue eyed n one hand factured m typing all this with one little finger of mine...

moral of the story: dont take your phone with you in the loo...

p.s- i wont be able to post anything new for few days as the little finger will also be broken by her when she reads this!!! :(

LGBT talk....

I have the habit of reading the last page of the news paper first. "The Hindu" gives some really crispy and different news on the last page and for the past two days, its about same sex marriage. Two guys married publicly in manipur and they separated a day after their marriage. These were the last page news for the past two days.

Now the idea of same sex marriage never bothered me. I respect an individual's feelings. Moreover, tagging a person with their sexual orientation has never been a concern to me. As Rizwan Khan's mother said- there are only two types of people- good ones and bad ones. So it becomes immaterial and completely inessential to segregate people based on caste, religion, sex and sexual orientation!

The news had the picture of the couple marrying. I respect their action but the picture did bother me. One of the guy was dressed as a woman!! I failed to understand why was he dressed like that? Two men wearing coat and exchanging rings would have been decent. They separated after a day was another news as family did not accept the marriage...

Now the question is- why is it becoming difficult for indians to accept the term LGBT?

First reason being our culture. If you see, women in india are "broiler women"..well, that is what another article in the paper said! A typical indian woman is one who is dutiful, sacrifices, is polite, runs the house, very feminine, caring, should do all the house hold even if she works just like a man does(sometimes even more!) and the culture has portrayed a woman in a very sensitive way. So, when the idea of a man being gay comes, a lay man is forced to imagine a man as a woman with all the above characters and starts ridiculing it. A man walking, talking and sacrificing like a woman, is not necessary and inessential. So, when i saw the picture of man dressed up like a female, i felt it was an unnecessary act of over dramatizing the situation. I feel that because of our culture, even gay men started behaving like women. My point here is that a homosexual doesnt not have to behave in a feminine way as being instilled in our minds by our culture. You dont have to dress like that, walk like a woman, dont have to make girly gestures, give over expressions etc. Stop and think about it for a moment and you will realize that they are unnecessary actions that can be avoided!

Second fact is the awareness. Half the population doesnt even know if such term exists! so forget about accepting such people! Forget population, even my momm dint know the terms. Later, me and my sister had to take lessons!! She dint like the concept and said- is it necessary to bring up such an issue? is it so important in life? And what she asked was indeed true. when the world is discussing wars, global warming, women empowerment, education, corruption, terrorism etc., does it become really important to bring this issue up?

Third thing is our religion. My classmates and I were debating over this issue. One of them is a very pious man! Follows Christianity like anything and gave the point that God did not make this. He disagreed to a point that homosexuality is linked to genes. Said it was complete bull shit and not to be believed and being homosexual is against the law of nature. But he made a statement- There is no proof of a man's nature and his gene linked to each other and since there is no scientific proof, it is unacceptable and not to be believed. The beauty of the debate was- the instant he made this statement, other colleague of mine tossed the question- there is no proof of existence of god, will you stop believing in God??? .silence....

We have wrongly interepreted our religious texts. Who wrote them? Some man right?? The state of mind of a man can never be predicted! when Nityananda can do child like behaviour, why not those men do something similar? What if the one who wrote the religious text was ignorant about such things. just because it is not mentioned in bible, quran or vedas doesnt mean it's sinful! so bringing up religion into this is insulting the religion it self!

Sometimes i donot understand what rights are LGBT people asking?? To marry each other. fine. i give the right. what next. You marry and you separate and you marry. When world is seeing live-in relationship amongst heteros, why not follow them?? why do you want to be bound by a ceremony?? cant you love without being solemnized? But No, you need to wear that stupid white frock in public to show that you are open! And yeah, they often see it as an act of heroism! somebody came out open..thats it.. Wow!! bravo.. all LGBT cheers.. You find them on facebook and find the whole lot applauding!!! When you yourself do not consider it normal, how do you expect the society to take it as something normal? And the media adds the rest of the spices!

And there is a whole lot of examples to be given as a justification- da vinci, alexander the great etc. Why do you depend on some great person for you selfish animal act? Agreed they were homo, so what? do you think you are great enough to be compared to them just because one/millionth attribute of theirs matches with the only attribute of yours????

I dont know if i am supporting LGBT for their rights, but one thing is know is - i respect people. I can not hurt someone for their orientation. Its high time we start looking people with their actions, their attitude, their deeds, their goodwill, their policies, their way of living, their style of working, and so many other things. So sexuality becomes a negligent part. But something that cannot be neglected either. Homosexuals being melodramatic is something i hate. I hate to say this but What rights are they asking for??? They should start respecting themselves and be confident in order to gain the same from the world. The inferiority complex thrives in their words even when they say-" I am proud" when they actually feel insecure and afraid! It is not necessary to come out open. What do you achieve? Dont say you cant cheat your self, cant live a lie. Its all crap non sense! What lie? what cheating yourself? when you know something about yourself, why tell it to the people? Keep it to yourself! why come open? its something private and needs to be kept so. Isn't it enough to be clear with your conscience??

Finally, I think its high time for people to stop thinking about these petty issues and start acting over other pressing issues. The intellectual depth of people has completely reduced after independence. Why is it only before independence that we had people like Swami Vivekanada, Nehru, Sarojini Naidu, C.V.Raman, chandrashekar? We hardly see any of such people today. Why is that people like nityananda are seen today instead of Vivekananda? The reason is that we are wandering aimlessly. They had an aim. Today we are aimless, jobless and discussing sexual orientation! Sooooo jobless that i had to blog this and you are reading this!

IGNYT-2010

DAKSHIFIED!!!!

so here i am.. after a long long time... well.. i was quite busy enjoying DAKSH-2010.. the national level tech fest of our college.. Being the cluster head wasn't an easy job..but wid wonderful set of friends, it became a cake walk..

3 days passed by so quickly.. there were so many fun filled events, food court, laser show etc that i thoroughly enjoyed. Got dakshified in the true sense.. you can find details about it at www.daksh.sastra.edu

So i thought i could share some funny moments i had in these 3 days.. we had many prelims for various events. i was correcting the answers for some events and here is a glimpse of it...

Ques- You & your friend are captured by UFO and dropped in a cold uninhabited island. what would you do for food??

(Now any normal and sane person would write- hunting, fishing etc. but there was this typical answer that left me dumbstruck!)

Ans- A friend in need is a friend indeed... One would sacrifice himself for the other..

Me- :-o !@#$%^&)

Ques-Why does a dog turn around several times before lying down? Also, why does it keep its tongue out while breathing

Ans- It is a form of prayer that dog does to pray dat nobody disturbs its sleep!!! It keeps its tongue out looking at bitch!!!

Ques- What is the most important part of sandwich? (the model for plasma membrane)

Ans- Me... You, me and your friend!!!!

Ques- Why is DNA double helical?

Ans- It got bored being single..so went to date and ended up being double!!!!

Ques- Which travels faster?? Hot electrons or cold electrons??and why??

Ans- Hot..becuz... its ASS is on fire!!!!

There were so many such answers.. though i am not bale to recollect them now.. but had an awesome time reading them.. now i feel how our lecturers feel.. its not a burden after all to read our answers ;)

Avatar!! finally

Have been to dying to watch avatar since it released. my lab hours are hectic so was no able to watch. had actually got a print from my friend but had to watch it in 3d. and boy oh boy! twas simply superb. no wonder it took James more than a decade to make the movie. the movie completely takes us to a different world. every minute detail was taken care of and every scene was amazing. . kudos! i will Definuly want to watch it again . . .

Ungrateful Basterds!!!

was just watching the citizens journalist in cnn ibn and there was this particular episode about Gayatri Devi. She was a freedom fighter. she was one of a kind who bravely faced the atrocity done to her by the then british rulers and was in some way instrumental for saving many lives. so for the last 20 years she has been getting the freedoms pension but due to some fraud report abt ppl trying to fake ids and gettin pension, her name was cut off the list. she had to endure 8 yrs of pain and had travelled many times from bihar to delhi to ask abt the same. she had written to many officers and ministers abt not getting the pension and till now she hasnt received any info abt it. she has lost all that she had and now literally begging near the highway in delhi and has nothing to eat other than wat she gets from the passersby... she says " i will bear all the hardships especially this xtreme cold weather to fight for her rights".... i pity all these ppl.. the ppl of India vote for ministers and higher officials for the sole reason thinking that these ppl are representatives of common man and will definuly solve their problem but it just keeps becomin worse and worse....

There was another case where two ministers were watching the brutal murder of a policeman. the inspector was crying for help but these a*&£holes where watchin him die in their car and apparently on asking why they dint come to rescue, the answer came " i was too shocked to react to the situation"... wow!! wat an answer.... bravo Ministers Bravo