Around the world in 5 minutes....

Today we know that earth is round and we know that earth moves around the Sun. Thanks to Aristotle for drinking poison to prove it!!! (or was it Socrates who drank it??? !!@#$%) well.. who cares any more.. Ever looked at the present earth?? People whine around with words like Global warming, temperature change, monsoon (beating around the bush to say that it is screwed up at the moment!!) So, the fact that earth is 30% land & 70% water was known to humans & we started exploring that 30% . We got lost n found new places ( remember how Columbus reached America??) & how many times poor Vasco did the parikrama to reach India?? It was a hard thing to explore and discover places..

But now with Google earth, i not only see the globe but also the street n yeah, the "naal roadu" (crossroads) in Thanjavur..In earlier days, Indians considered it to be a sin to step out of India.

"Dusht paapi.. tune ye kya kiya??? hindutva ko kalankit kar diya moorkh!!" n in worst cases the mother will say," Ghar ka diya ghar ki chaukhat chod ke padosi ko roshani dene ja raha hai!!!" (as if her son was so very enlightening!!) but our Ramanujan was great.. How beautifully his mother dreamt of the goddess coming in her dreams and asking to allow her son to fly out of India?? simply mind blowing you know!! :p People accepted to work as sweepers in America but would not move their ass in India.. gosh..

And then Slowly times changed and there was this favorite topic of debate in each and every school- "BRAIN DRAIN!" ( i wrote the same essay for 3 whole years !!)

i remember asking my uncle to buy me one of those american chocolates. but no, it would brain wash me in settling in the U.S. permanently..so no foreign chocolates,,"beta, yeah poppins lele.. its big n colourful see.." n if i refused, then he would buy Polo.. (n now dat polo is also reduced to holes of Polo..!!)News channels would make a hue-n-cry over the same..

then slowly times changed and Shops n markets in India started getting names such as "China bazaar, burma bazaar, Paris corner..." In my 6th standard, my friend once said-"My uncle bought this watch from Dubai!!" ( Cursing him, while holding the identical twin of that watch in hand!! now now..which country shud i name cuz my 6th standard geography was too weak....) n i would end up saying "My mamaji got this from china" n to prove it, i would show the back of the watch n lo- "made in China!!" (happy having used my wits..)

we accepted that it is after all not that big a sin to visit foreign lands. We started going to U.S, Australia, Malaysia, n favourite of all indians- Singapore...And we became so advanced that we would visit Singapore just to shop in the annual sale that had gained world wide popularity..

And then started this boasting and showing off spree.. Below are a few characteristics of a typical Indian who returns from America.. (in descending order of observance)

17. Uses Nope for No and Yep for Yes.

16. Tries to use credit card in road side hotel.

15. Drinks and carries mineral water and always speaks of health conscious.

14. Sprays deo such so that he doesn't need to take bath.

13. Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.

12. Says "Hey" instead of "Hi".
Says "Yogurt" instead says "Curds".
Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi".
Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate".
Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit".
Says " Free Way " instead of "Highway".
Says "got to go" instead of "Have to go".
Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven
Zero Four)

11.Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.

10. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in Kilo Meters), and counts in Millions. (Not in Lakhs)

9. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep down the heart multiplies by 43 times).

8. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats "Zee" several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y Zee(but never says Zed)

7. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.

6.. Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he is experiencing it for the first time.

5. Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "mojule".

4. Looks suspiciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.

3. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by which he traveled back to India, even after 4 months of arrival.

2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries to roll the bag on Indian Roads.

Ultimate one:
1. Tries to begin conversation with "In US ...." or "When I was in US..."

After such show offs, when it is time to chat with a friend online, I get this reply..

Me: "Hey how was your Malaysia trip??? :) "

Him: "well.. shreeeenuuu, it was sorta ok.. :( Sydney was better you know"

Me: oh!! (wondering any place could be better than thanjavur! n wat difference does it make.. sydney, malaysia.. all seems d same to me.. out of INDIA!!)

Him: I went to Singapore and then to Malaysia.. thats y I did not like it.. :(

Me: oh.. but I tot it was nice to be there you know.. But my favourite is Paris.. Would love to go there once..

Him : Yeah, i had been to paris last summer after visiting my cousin in Egypt.. We planned to visit Switzerland because it was near it..

Me: heyy, i know geography..(trying to convince dat i improved after 6th standard!!)

Him: Yeah yeah.. have been there too..

Me: !@#$%^& (guess mine is better!!)

But yeah.. having said everything, i am sure about one thing.. Technology has advanced so much that we sit and chat and roam around the world in "Just 5 mins" :)